How NOT to Network

I just got home from a conference in San Francisco. I met a ton of people. The vast majority were wonderful but a few fell into this category!

Just Go A Little Bit Further!

I had an experience the other day that felt like a metaphor for my life. I was driving down a road I often get confused on. There are twists and turns that make it a challenge to remember which way to go.  I started feeling like I had made a wrong turn. I thought, “I’ll just go a little further and see.” Which I did. Ultimately though I doubted myself & turned around in favor of the “safe way”  I was familiar with.

The safe way meant I added extra time, travel & aggravation to my day.  The funny thing is I realized the very spot I turned around at was a mere 100 yards away from landmarks I would have recognized as having been the right way to go.  If I had only gone just a little bit longer…

This felt like a metaphor for my business.  I had been feeling discouraged that day.  I was driving thinking about all the work that needed doing. Overwhelm set in & I started questioning if I was making the right decisions purusing this dream? I have made tremendous strides over the year but it didn’t feel like enough. I have been working really hard.  I was tired and felt very alone in my journey.

These thoughts came to an abrupt halt once I figured out I had been so close to successfully nagivating the road I was traveling. I had quit moments before I experienced the breakthrough. We have all heard the saying, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” I decided right there & then I wouldn’t quit my business no matter how tired or hopeless I felt. I would solider on. Victory goes to the decided heart!  I would work smarter not harder.

A few days later I was presented with an opportunity that could really take my business to the next level. What if I had quit that day? I would never have known.  I want to encourage you in your business journey to have a decided heart. You never know when you are just around the corner of success!

Revolving Door Mentality

I have been very busy writing my book due out in Spring 2009.  Today as I typed away I added some thoughts from millionaire mom, Nancy Bogart from www.jordanessentials.com. She is an incredible mom and business woman.

At the beginning of her journey running her bath, body and spa business she found herself surprised whenever someone in her company left. She explained to me, “Not everyone will love your dream like you do. If you are the owner, you really do care more than anyone else.  It never occurred to me people who were with me in the beginning would ever leave.  I had to learn to get over how I felt when this happened. ”

She went on to say,  “There are seasons in life and ways of life.  A season of life is temporary and short term.  A way of life is confidence, strength, purpose and vision.  Seasons come and go, be sure to keep the main thing, the main thing, and that is Love.  Nothing is greater and strive to be loving to someone as they end a season with you. You never know what will happen in the future. A good friend once told me to have a revolving door on your business and life.  Let people come and go as long as it is healthy. Living life with this mentality will lead to an abundance of people in your life.”

I love the concept of a revolving door with relationships. Instead of burning bridges or passing judgement let’s  strive to understand everyone has different needs, wants and desires. This does not make them “wrong” for not seeing things your way. This is a beautiful metaphor. I hope you recall the next time you feel the sting of someone exiting your life whether in business or personally. Love abundantly and create rather than react. These are two things at the top of my to do list for 2009!

Overcoming Fear

Nature has instilled fear in us as a protective mechanism. As a child I was fearful that an alligator lived under my bed at night. If I got out of bed it might get me. I learned over time that particular fear was completly false. As a teenager I was on diving team for five years. I was a powerful athlete but not the most graceful. The Coach had me dive the high board. Many people are fearful to even jump at this height. In order to go to state competition I was doing 2.5 pike front flips off of it. Was I fearful? You better believe it! I chose to over ride nature’s protective mechanism and turn fear into exhilaration. Fortunately for me I survived.

 

As a new mom I brought home a son that was in ICU for a week. He had tubes coming out of his head the day we left the hospital. I was terrified as they wheeled me out the door and burst into tears when a neighbor came over to admire the baby. I was an emotional mess. This fear had a hold of me for awhile. Could I take care of my child? I overcame it one day at a time and now that baby is a handsome, thriving 13 year old “man boy” as I affectionately call him. 

 

My 41 year old brother died of lung cancer this year within six months of being diagnosed. I held him in my arms as he passed.  I watched my parents come in the room and fall apart. A parent’s worst fear realized. This experience taught me the preciousness of life and how the choices we make on a daily basis do matter. You are where you are today because of the decisions you made in the past. What do you want your future to look like? If you don’t like what you see in the mirror then start choosing alternative actions for a different result. Step back and see what you like, what you need to change and consider where you would like to be  in the future. Clarity is a powerful antidote to fear. My brother made the decision to smoke and he paid the ultimate price for it. There is always a lesson to be learned from all experiences. It’s important to take the gift left behind no matter how painful. He taught me to overcome fear because life is short and to strive to make good daily decisions. 

 

As a business woman I eat fear for breakfast. I relish it. I look forward to it. It’s a gift. It is when we are fearful that we experience the most growth both professionally and personally.  

 

Have you ever heard the acronym F.E.A.R? ”False evidence appearing real”. We tend to psych ourselves out rather than acknowledge fear is typically our ”inner chicken” surfacing. The vast majority of what we worry about never even happens. What a waste of energy! More likely, if you peel back the layers many fears have their root in a fear of potential rejection. No one enjoys being rejected. However, we can reframe that thought. 

 

If there is something you want but are too fearful to bring yourself to ask you are already rejected. Your current state is “no” because you do not have the courage to ask for what you want. If you go for it and put the request to the person in a position to help two things can happen (1) they can say “no” in which case your current situation hasn’t changed except now you know the answer to whether that person can or will help you or (2) you get what you seek. Congratulations! Doesn’t that feel fantastic?! Now you have accomplished the desired result and your self esteem gets a nice little boost as a perk. Most business results are statistical in nature. If you are trying to sell something you may have to talk to 10 people to get one “yes”. Let’s say that “yes” is worth $1,000 in your pocket. Why don’t you consider viewing the 9 “no’s” being worth $100 a piece in your pocket? Do you see what I am trying to get across? Success is what happens in that gray matter between your ears. You must train your brain to not be a drain!

 

I strive to approach all interactions with a servant’s heart. The world will bless a giver in more ways than just financial gain. Fear cannot hold back a person who is striving to do good in the world. It just is not an option. 

At the beginning of a new venture, or really with any decision that must be made, ask yourself ”What’s the worst that can happen?”. If you can live with the worst case than go for it! We all stumble and fall sometimes. Just fix what you can and move on. It’s all in the attitude my friend.