How NOT to Network

I just got home from a conference in San Francisco. I met a ton of people. The vast majority were wonderful but a few fell into this category!

Just Go A Little Bit Further!

I had an experience the other day that felt like a metaphor for my life. I was driving down a road I often get confused on. There are twists and turns that make it a challenge to remember which way to go.  I started feeling like I had made a wrong turn. I thought, “I’ll just go a little further and see.” Which I did. Ultimately though I doubted myself & turned around in favor of the “safe way”  I was familiar with.

The safe way meant I added extra time, travel & aggravation to my day.  The funny thing is I realized the very spot I turned around at was a mere 100 yards away from landmarks I would have recognized as having been the right way to go.  If I had only gone just a little bit longer…

This felt like a metaphor for my business.  I had been feeling discouraged that day.  I was driving thinking about all the work that needed doing. Overwhelm set in & I started questioning if I was making the right decisions purusing this dream? I have made tremendous strides over the year but it didn’t feel like enough. I have been working really hard.  I was tired and felt very alone in my journey.

These thoughts came to an abrupt halt once I figured out I had been so close to successfully nagivating the road I was traveling. I had quit moments before I experienced the breakthrough. We have all heard the saying, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” I decided right there & then I wouldn’t quit my business no matter how tired or hopeless I felt. I would solider on. Victory goes to the decided heart!  I would work smarter not harder.

A few days later I was presented with an opportunity that could really take my business to the next level. What if I had quit that day? I would never have known.  I want to encourage you in your business journey to have a decided heart. You never know when you are just around the corner of success!

Revolving Door Mentality

I have been very busy writing my book due out in Spring 2009.  Today as I typed away I added some thoughts from millionaire mom, Nancy Bogart from www.jordanessentials.com. She is an incredible mom and business woman.

At the beginning of her journey running her bath, body and spa business she found herself surprised whenever someone in her company left. She explained to me, “Not everyone will love your dream like you do. If you are the owner, you really do care more than anyone else.  It never occurred to me people who were with me in the beginning would ever leave.  I had to learn to get over how I felt when this happened. ”

She went on to say,  “There are seasons in life and ways of life.  A season of life is temporary and short term.  A way of life is confidence, strength, purpose and vision.  Seasons come and go, be sure to keep the main thing, the main thing, and that is Love.  Nothing is greater and strive to be loving to someone as they end a season with you. You never know what will happen in the future. A good friend once told me to have a revolving door on your business and life.  Let people come and go as long as it is healthy. Living life with this mentality will lead to an abundance of people in your life.”

I love the concept of a revolving door with relationships. Instead of burning bridges or passing judgement let’s  strive to understand everyone has different needs, wants and desires. This does not make them “wrong” for not seeing things your way. This is a beautiful metaphor. I hope you recall the next time you feel the sting of someone exiting your life whether in business or personally. Love abundantly and create rather than react. These are two things at the top of my to do list for 2009!

Overcoming Fear

Nature has instilled fear in us as a protective mechanism. As a child I was fearful that an alligator lived under my bed at night. If I got out of bed it might get me. I learned over time that particular fear was completly false. As a teenager I was on diving team for five years. I was a powerful athlete but not the most graceful. The Coach had me dive the high board. Many people are fearful to even jump at this height. In order to go to state competition I was doing 2.5 pike front flips off of it. Was I fearful? You better believe it! I chose to over ride nature’s protective mechanism and turn fear into exhilaration. Fortunately for me I survived.

 

As a new mom I brought home a son that was in ICU for a week. He had tubes coming out of his head the day we left the hospital. I was terrified as they wheeled me out the door and burst into tears when a neighbor came over to admire the baby. I was an emotional mess. This fear had a hold of me for awhile. Could I take care of my child? I overcame it one day at a time and now that baby is a handsome, thriving 13 year old “man boy” as I affectionately call him. 

 

My 41 year old brother died of lung cancer this year within six months of being diagnosed. I held him in my arms as he passed.  I watched my parents come in the room and fall apart. A parent’s worst fear realized. This experience taught me the preciousness of life and how the choices we make on a daily basis do matter. You are where you are today because of the decisions you made in the past. What do you want your future to look like? If you don’t like what you see in the mirror then start choosing alternative actions for a different result. Step back and see what you like, what you need to change and consider where you would like to be  in the future. Clarity is a powerful antidote to fear. My brother made the decision to smoke and he paid the ultimate price for it. There is always a lesson to be learned from all experiences. It’s important to take the gift left behind no matter how painful. He taught me to overcome fear because life is short and to strive to make good daily decisions. 

 

As a business woman I eat fear for breakfast. I relish it. I look forward to it. It’s a gift. It is when we are fearful that we experience the most growth both professionally and personally.  

 

Have you ever heard the acronym F.E.A.R? ”False evidence appearing real”. We tend to psych ourselves out rather than acknowledge fear is typically our ”inner chicken” surfacing. The vast majority of what we worry about never even happens. What a waste of energy! More likely, if you peel back the layers many fears have their root in a fear of potential rejection. No one enjoys being rejected. However, we can reframe that thought. 

 

If there is something you want but are too fearful to bring yourself to ask you are already rejected. Your current state is “no” because you do not have the courage to ask for what you want. If you go for it and put the request to the person in a position to help two things can happen (1) they can say “no” in which case your current situation hasn’t changed except now you know the answer to whether that person can or will help you or (2) you get what you seek. Congratulations! Doesn’t that feel fantastic?! Now you have accomplished the desired result and your self esteem gets a nice little boost as a perk. Most business results are statistical in nature. If you are trying to sell something you may have to talk to 10 people to get one “yes”. Let’s say that “yes” is worth $1,000 in your pocket. Why don’t you consider viewing the 9 “no’s” being worth $100 a piece in your pocket? Do you see what I am trying to get across? Success is what happens in that gray matter between your ears. You must train your brain to not be a drain!

 

I strive to approach all interactions with a servant’s heart. The world will bless a giver in more ways than just financial gain. Fear cannot hold back a person who is striving to do good in the world. It just is not an option. 

At the beginning of a new venture, or really with any decision that must be made, ask yourself ”What’s the worst that can happen?”. If you can live with the worst case than go for it! We all stumble and fall sometimes. Just fix what you can and move on. It’s all in the attitude my friend.

Go Daddy Insights for Entrepreneurs & Winners

I read this and thought it was worth posting. 

Bob Parsons – Founder of Go Daddy Group (www.GoDaddy.com)

1. Get and stay out of your comfort zone. I believe that not much happens of any significance when we’re in our comfort zone. I hear people say, “But I’m concerned about security.” My response to that is simple: “Security is for cadavers.”

2. Never give up. Almost nothing works the first time it’s attempted. Just because what you’re doing does not seem to be working, doesn’t mean it won’t work. It just means that it might not work the way you’re doing it. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, and you wouldn’t have an opportunity.

3. When you’re ready to quit, you’re closer than you think. There’s an old Chinese saying that I just love, and I believe it is so true. It goes like this: “The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.”

4. With regard to whatever worries you, not only accept the worst thing that could happen, but make it a point to quantify what the worst thing could be. Very seldom will the worst consequence be anywhere near as bad as a cloud of “undefined consequences.” My father would tell me early on, when I was struggling and losing my shirt trying to get Parsons Technology going, “Well, Robert, if it doesn’t work, they can’t eat you.”

5. Focus on what you want to have happen. Remember that old saying, “As you think, so shall you be.”

6. Take things a day at a time. No matter how difficult your situation is, you can get through it if you don’t look too far into the future, and focus on the present moment. You can get through anything one day at a time.

7. Always be moving forward. Never stop investing. Never stop improving. Never stop doing something new. The moment you stop improving your organization, it starts to die. Make it your goal to be better each and every day, in some small way. Remember the Japanese concept of Kaizen. Small daily improvements eventually result in huge advantages.

8. Be quick to decide. Remember what the Union Civil War general, Tecumseh Sherman said: “A good plan violently executed today is far and away better than a perfect plan tomorrow.”

9. Measure everything of significance. I swear this is true. Anything that is measured and watched, improves.

10. Anything that is not managed will deteriorate. If you want to uncover problems you don’t know about, take a few moments and look closely at the areas you haven’t examined for a while. I guarantee you problems will be there.

11. Pay attention to your competitors, but pay more attention to what you’re doing. When you look at your competitors, remember that everything looks perfect at a distance. Even the planet Earth, if you get far enough into space, looks like a peaceful place.

12. Never let anybody push you around. In our society, with our laws and even playing field, you have just as much right to what you’re doing as anyone else, provided that what you’re doing is legal.

13. Never expect life to be fair. Life isn’t fair. You make your own breaks. You’ll be doing good if the only meaning fair has to you, is something that you pay when you get on a bus (i.e., fare).

14. Solve your own problems. You’ll find that by coming up with your own solutions, you’ll develop a competitive edge. Masura Ibuka, the co-founder of SONY, said it best: “You never succeed in technology, business, or anything by following the others.” There’s also an old Asian saying that I remind myself of frequently. It goes like this: “A wise man keeps his own counsel.”

15. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Lighten up. Often, at least half of what we accomplish is due to luck. None of us are in control as much as we like to think we are.

16. There’s always a reason to smile. Find it. After all, you’re really lucky just to be alive. Life is short. More and more, I agree with my little brother. He always reminds me: “We’re not here for a long time; we’re here for a good time.”

The Middle of Nowhere

“Mom, what does the middle of nowhere look like?” my five-year-old asked me the other day. The question made me laugh. I answered, “It depends on the person and where they are.”

 

I thought it was a good metaphor for the feeling s of doubt we all experience from time to time in any worthwhile activity. My “middle of nowhere” is where I am at today. I am on my chosen path and I know where I want to end up. I have a good road map in hand of what I think it takes to be successful. I am marching full steam ahead. 

 

However, every once in awhile that sneaky little devil called “doubt” dances into my head. It happens in those moments when I take my eye off the goal. “Where the heck am I? I’m in the middle of nowhere!” my mind thinks. 

 

Work, work, work with no end in sight and no promise of success. That can be intimidating to a mom with three kids who’s trying really hard to combine passion with income and a flexible schedule. I am a big believer in having it all, but still every once in awhile doubt sneaks in and I feel like I am in “the middle of nowhere”. I realize it is my inner chicken speaking so I let the thought pass right on through and just dive back in Before you know it, the feeling fades. Another milestone is achieved. 

 

You are not alone. It’s okay to be afraid sometimes, and to have doubt. It’s human nature. It’s what you choose to do—or not do—with that fear that ultimately separates the successful from the not so successful. The next time you feel you are in your version of the “middle of nowhere”, take heart and know you are not alone. The moms at www.millionairemoms.com understand. We all have doubts from time to time, and we are here to support you! 

Happiness Is A Warm Puppy

Remember the Charlie Brown happiness book? You know, the one with Lucy on the front hugging Snoopy? I love that book. I still own it actually. The book  summarizes life and what it takes to be happy. In case you don’t remember this little jewel here is a few ”happiness” entries:

Happiness is an “A” on your spelling test. Happiness is finding someone you like at your front door. Happiness is sleeping in your own bed. Happiness is getting together with friends. Happiness is climbing a tree (little known Joyce fact: I am the 1974 tree climbing champion of 8 Joseph Ave). Happiness is lots of birthday candles (OK, I’m starting to have a love/hate thing with this one). Happiness is one thing to one person and another thing to another person. Why don’t you take a moment and think about what simple things make you truly happy? Not happy? Hug a warm puppy like the book says. I sometimes think we over complicate things when its really the simple stuff in life that brings lasting joy.

Marci Shimoff has a great book out on happiness called “Happy For No Reason”. She studied happiness in great detail in order to write her book. Apparently, we all have happy set points:

50% is genetic, 10% is your circumstances and 40% of your habit of thoughts and behavior.

Marci asked her father what his best advice is and he said, “Honey, just be happy.” We can choose our reactions to life’s circumstances. It boils down to focus. I have worked diligently on this for years. I used to be really impatient. My mom says I have one speed: fast! If I had to deal with slow people I would feel my blood boiling. These days I control my reaction. I now think, “These people were put here to be slow in front of me for a reason. I wonder what it is?” Or, I use their slowness as a five minute little mini-vacation for myself. The mental shift helps me cope and keeps me happy. Again, its focus.

Albert Schweitzer, 1952 Nobel Peace Prize winner for his “reverence for life” said, “Happiness is the key to success.” I agree with him. If you are not happy then what’s the point? Spend the time necessary to assess where you are at. There are the day to day annoyances like driving behind a slow poke and then there are the bigger choices we make that might need realignment. Where do you stand? It will pay off in increased health, longevity, relationships and success if you proactively correct what might be wrong. As we mature we sometimes realize we went down the wrong path that no longer works for us. This can lead to the need for drastic actions to correct the situation which is uncomfortable and frankly, scary sometimes. In the end though, if you are brave  and committed to living your ideal life you will risk the actions necessary. Its not always easy but in the end its the right thing to do. Life is too short to live it half way!

Mom Entrepreneurs Its Time To Get Off the Struggle Bus!

“The struggle bus”. I heard that term recently and it made me laugh. Can you relate? We all know people that seem to have a permanent seat on it! Let’s admit it, sometimes we ourselves are on it. Why? Well some people are just not that bright. The same mistake is repeated over and over. When I encounter people in this category it reminds me of watching a fly bounce off a window pane trying desperately to get outside. It seems to think if they try just one more time the end result will change which of course, it doesn’t. I’m not thinking you fall into that category since you are smart enough to seek insight from blogs like this one. 

For go-getter’s like us the struggle bus can present itself in a variety of ways: procrastination, lost documents because the power went off and you forgot to save it along the way, a CPA who won’t call you back, kids not co-operating. You get the idea! If you can identify areas in which you consistently struggle you can create and place systems in your life to overcome them. For example, I have a bookkeeper coming in to help me get better organized with all the financial details. I hate that stuff. However, its a fact of life the government wants their money. I am going to create a system to overcome my reluctance to deal with this aspect of business.

What areas do you struggle with that can benefit from a system? If you are a clutter bug head over to my friend Lorie Marerro’s site www.clutterdiet.com. She is a master organizer and can help you out big time! If its staying on a diet or eating right you can head over to www.caloriecheckbook.com. I use that site whenever I feel “puffy” (whenever an extra couple of pounds trying to sneak up on me) and track myself for a week until I feel fit and strong again. You get the idea! Otherwise, you will be getting on the bus and paying the fare my friend!

Focus & Flexibility

As a mom and entrepreneur we must consistently exhibit laser focus to achieve work goals. After all, work at home moms are typically limited to the hours our children are napping or are at school.  You must learn to focus on the 3 activities each day that hands down move your business ahead the furthest. Busy work does not count. We all have busy work. The successful among overcome this and stay focused on growth. If you aren’t sure what those tasks are here is a hint: whatever makes the cash register ring! 

Flexibility is another key trait for the working mom. This can apply to your home life as much as your work life. I was looking forward to a three mile run the other day. I headed out the door and my five year old trailed me saying he wanted to go jogging with me. Frankly, I wanted the time alone. He seemed so earnest though so I said, “ok, but its three miles, no stopping”. His attitude was “game on”. He made it to the end of the street and started walking but by then he had wormed his way into my heart like he always does. Do you know people like that? No matter what they do they always seem to wiggle back in to good graces? I do! Anyway, it turned into a 1.5 mile walk holding hands and chatting. I got a big “I love you so much mom” mid-way through the walk. By remaining flexible I had an even better end result than a jog: a happy moment with my youngest son. The point is life throws curve balls constantly. We can be rigid and stick to our agenda. This typically causes unhappiness and stress. Alternatively, we can learn to be like water flowing in a creek constantly moving around whatever objects it encounters. Let’s experience the unexpected and find the good in it. Let’s be water!

I have been thrown several curve balls since starting my websites. I’ve had to employ sugar, spice referenced in the last blog post, flexibility and focus to make progress. I have had setbacks, obstacles and challenges just like you. For me, flexibility, focus and faith will pull you through any tough times you may encounter juggling family and business. If you keep the reasons why you started your business in the forefront of your mind you will find all the focus and flexibility you need to make it a success!

 

 

 

Sugar Lips and the Entrepreneur

For some reason the rhyme “What are little girls and boys made of” popped into my mind this morning.  You know “sugar and spice and everything nice”. If someone asked me what little entrepreneurial moms were made of? I would answer an equal spilt of flexibility and focus. Of course, sugar and spice are important traits to because we must be able to motivate people to see our points of view (sugar) and sometimes lay down the law (spice). Some may think the sugar comment is a manipulation but I disagree. One of the most successful, admirable women in politics is Elizabeth Dole. Do you know what her nickname is? Sugar Lips. Yes, that’s right, Sugar Lips. She is well known for complimenting all those see encounters. The result of making everyone feel good to be around her? She accomplishes her agenda and feels good in the process out. If we treat each other as the amazing miracles we are then life does in fact get better on every level. If the past President of the Red Cross thinks their is merit to it then maybe there is wisdom in this approach? She realizes to get people to work towards a common goal they must feel good about the organization and their role within it. This philosophy translates well to any area of life. Mary Kay Ash said we all have invisible signs around our necks saying, “Make me feel good about myself”. Today why don’t you go about your day with that thought in mind? Imagine each person you encounter as having that sign on. What you can do to help them achieve it? How did it make you feel as a result? Who knows maybe we will start calling you Sugar Lips!